My mom always wanted three girls (so she says). We were each born 2 years and 2 months apart. We often got asked if we were triplets. Growing up, we were fondly called the “Grush Girls” and that name stuck. People in Boone knew exactly who the Grush Girls were. People at our dance studio identified us as “one of the Grush girls”. Sarah, Jill, and I were a unit. We were best friends as young children and spent all of our time together. Our neighborhood was close and we often met at our house to play fashion show or Kick the Can. The three of us had imaginations like no other, we even played Catholic church service! Our stuffed animals were our parishioners and Sarah usually played the organ while Jill and I led the service.
We took our senior pictures together and wore stylish matching outfits. I don’t think we realized it at the time, but we always had matching hairstyles (and they were horrible). Our senior years of dance were special and we performed our senior routines with one another.
People knew we were close, but it’s hard for me to explain how close we really are (were?). I’m going to speak in present tense when I describe our relationship. As sisters, we know exactly what’s happening in each other’s lives at all times. Even if we only tell one sister, the other sister will soon know the whole story. Jill and I talk every day and see each other about 5 times per week. I didn’t talk to Sarah every day, but we still rarely went a week without seeing each other. There’s just something about having two built in best friends.
So now, 1/3 of the Grush Girls was taken away in an instant. I literally feel like my identity has been ripped away from me. We were supposed to grow old together with our curly white hair and loud personalities. We used to look at my Grandma Joyce with her sisters and we would get a glimpse into our future. We were supposed to raise our kids together and form the next generation of best friends. We were supposed to take our yearly family vacation to the lake. Our tube has spots for 3 people. The three Grush Girls rode on that tube last year and it was possibly the funniest moment of our trip. Who will sit in that third spot now?
I mentioned yesterday being scared of how my parents will ever look at Jill and I the same again. The three of us were a package. I can’t imagine going from 3 children to 2. It has to be hard to see two girls who look so much like the daughter that died.
It doesn’t seem right to refer to Jill and I as the Grush Girls. It feels as though that name should be retired, like an athlete who had a lasting impression on their establishment. Who do we become now? I know that someday we will find how we fit in to this new way of life, but for now I can only mourn that we won’t be 3 sassy white haired ladies growing old together.